This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Randy Charach, a dad from Vancouver, British Columbia. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I like to say my wife and I were empty nesters for a minute this year. In the end, we had the house to ourselves for just six months.
We were enjoying being empty nesters — and hadn’t anticipated that changing so dramatically. We knew some of our daughters would temporarily move back home when they needed to. We hadn’t bargained on them all coming back and bringing their boyfriends with them.
All of our 4 daughters had moved out by the start of the year
Of our four daughters, our eldest, who is 34, has been living in Israel for some time and has been away for quite a while. The three younger ones are 19, 21, and 24 years old, respectively, and, by the beginning of this year, all had moved out of our home.
As the year progressed, two of my daughters moved back in — both asking if their boyfriends could do the same. I agreed. Then the university summer break arrived, and my youngest daughter came back home to stay with us, along with her boyfriend. That’s three daughters and their boyfriends — suddenly, we had six extra people living in the house at once.
My wife and I have been together for 25 years, so we thoroughly enjoyed the six months with the house to ourselves. Things were a little quieter, and we definitely missed having them home. It was a taste of what we’re expecting to come in the next couple of years, when we imagine we’ll become full, permanent empty nesters.
We embraced that alone time. It reminded us of when we first started dating, before we had kids. It brought us closer together as a couple and gave us the opportunity to reconnect and be more romantic again.
They all moved back home for different reasons
The first daughter to move home did so because she’d decided not to finish university in Montreal, and so moved back in with us. Just a couple of weeks prior, she’d told us she was getting a dog. It didn’t bother us — she was in another city. But then two weeks later, she moves home and brings the dog with her. That’s the part I didn’t love at the time — we never signed up for that, so it bothered me. It turns out, I fell in love with the dog. Shortly after, her boyfriend arrived and was here every day, so he’d practically moved in too. They’re not engaged, so I didn’t feel great about it, but I was just happy to have her home and didn’t want to make waves, so I said I was OK with it.
My second daughter to move back home had planned to move back for about a year, which she did two months ago. She also brought her boyfriend with her from Montreal. They’re living with us until they figure out what they’re going to do for work. So they’re here for a little while, I think.
I haven’t asked the live-in boyfriends for rent. They’re still getting on their feet in life.
We get along really well
It’s actually quite handy in one way, as I’ve been able to use the extra head count to assist me in my job. I’m an actor and corporate magician/mentalist — I do a comedy mind-reading show. One of the boyfriends helps me shoot auditions as an actor. And the whole troupe is a testing ground for new material for my shows. After dinner recently, I tested a new trick on them as a rehearsal. They loved it – and gave helpful feedback.
My younger daughter has now just returned to university, but for the summer, there were three daughters, their boyfriends, and a dog. It all felt pretty abrupt and a bit overwhelming. I’m a fairly quiet person when I’m not performing. That said, it could be fun and did bring me out of my shell somewhat.
We all got on really well. There were some compromises that helped — my wife and I prefer to eat dinner at 6 pm, while the kids prefer 8 pm. We settled on 7 pm for nightly family dinners. We have a full-time housekeeper, so that means there aren’t arguments over chores.
We do weekly family walks every Saturday. We’ve made adjustments to make the boyfriends feel more welcome — for example, one of them is quite a religious Jew, so we’re now a kosher household, whereas before we weren’t. It doesn’t bother me; I respect the tradition.
I’m looking forward to being empty nesters again
My wife and I are looking forward to having the house to ourselves again. For example, my daughter does exercise videos which she sells, and I have to be quiet and stay in my office whilst she does them — no footsteps or anything. So without that, I’ll have the freedom to go anywhere, any time in the house again.
I was making my own videos as a performer when they were growing up, so I don’t mind returning the favour now. It’ll also be nice when I don’t have to anymore, and I can be a happy empty nester again.
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