- So many adults pressure kids to choose careers before their brains fully develop.
- As a former college teacher, I’ve seen how young adults lack the skills needed to make major life decisions.
- With my own kids, I’m encouraging exploration and responsibility. They can decide on a career later.
Ever since my four children were small, adults would predictably ask them, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Plenty of young ones want to be someone they deem heroic, like a firefighter, or something that sounds cool, like a magician. It’s all fun and games, until it’s not.
As a former college writing teacher, I’m so tired of adults demanding that kids “choose a career path” before their brains are even close to being fully developed. (Science says that’s around age 25, in case you didn’t know.) Rarely did my 18, 19, and 20-year-old students hone in on their forever future at their ages. They simply didn’t have the life experience, self-awareness, and maturity to make such a major decision.
Two of my children are teens, and already, their schools are imploring them to start making some big life choices. I taught at the university level for a decade, and most of those young adults weren’t ready to “pick and stick” yet, much less our high school and middle school kids.
Instead of asking kids what they want to be when they grow up and then spending years prodding and pressuring them into a lifetime of anxiety over their academic (and then career) choices and performance, we need to take a step back and try differently — and better. We adults are missing the forest for the trees. Here’s what I’m doing with my teens instead.
Support kids in getting and maintaining a job
Many adults my age worked since we were pre-teens, we had jobs such as babysitting and mowing the lawn. These experiences were invaluable. Many kids today are so over-scheduled or catatonic (thanks, COVID), and they don’t have the same job opportunities we did.
When your teen wants to work, find ways to help them accomplish this goal, including: applying for a job, learning the skills to perform well, arriving on time, having a strong work ethic, and communicating with their employer. When jobs don’t work out, support your child then, too. Failure is a wonderful teacher.
Help children learn to manage their money
With a job comes money. A paycheck can bring about financial freedom or some serious issues. Letting your kids make mistakes with their money now is a gift. Showing your child how to save, how to be a savvy spender, and the importance of generosity will set them up for future success. Remember to also be a good role model with your own money since our kids are always watching.
Stop rescuing them at every turn
One of the worst things I saw parents do for their college students was rescue them at the drop of a hat. I had multiple parents call me to complain that their child was failing my class — and boldly claiming it was my fault. What I couldn’t tell the parent, legally, were the real reasons their child was failing; their child was skipping class and not turning in required work.
What parents failed to realize is that they’d never taught their child basic skills: effective communication and age-appropriate responsibility (such as time management. These weren’t bad kids. These were kids who lacked skills. Parents, there are times your kids need you to swoop in and help them, but most times, please know and allow that a challenge is an opportunity for the child to try things their way, then live and learn.
Say yes to safe exploration
From what I’ve seen, many millennial parents have the mindset that their child needs to pick one or two extracurricular activities and excel in them, no matter what, even if it’s financially and time-draining, not to mention stressful for the kid.
Parents, it’s perfectly fine for your child to want to explore many different types of activities and not be “the best” in any one of them. Trying a sport, for example, not liking it, and then wanting to discontinue participating doesn’t make your child “a quitter.” In fact, this is how they learn personal boundaries and to appreciate curiosity and courage.
Give responsibilities at home
Yes, I’m talking about (gasp) chores. Having daily, required tasks teaches your child teamwork, cleanliness, and responsibility. If we desire for our kids to become adults who can live on their own or with someone else, let’s give them opportunities to practice what that means. Maybe it sounds silly in theory, but knowing how to sweep a floor, run a load of laundry, or take out the trash on the appropriate day is skill-building. I witnessed far too many college students who couldn’t run a load of laundry, scramble an egg, or send a respectful, clear e-mail to me.
In time, kids will figure out their path
We push kids to choose what they want to be when they grow up but often fail to teach them how to be a grown up. Parents, now is the time to let kids have new experiences, make mistakes, and practice problem-solving skills — all while they have our support, guidance, and love.
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