As a professional wedding planner, I’ve seen a wide range of guest behavior, from the bad to the brilliant.
Luckily, being a good wedding guest doesn’t always have to be difficult.
From double-checking information you’ve received about the nuptials to asking how you can help, here are eight ways to be a great wedding guest.
Before you ask the couple a question, make sure you don’t already have the answer
With resources like wedding websites and multipage invites, many modern couples provide a lot of information to their guests.
Be sure to check those resources before you contact the couple to ask something, especially if it’s less than two weeks before the wedding. Your answer might already be out there.
Ask yourself, ‘Is this for me, or is it for the people getting married?’
Weddings bring up a lot of different feelings, so it can be easy to lose yourself along the way. Before you make a request, ask yourself, “Am I asking for something that benefits me or the couple?”
It’s OK if the answer is, “This is for me.” Use it as an opportunity to share context with the couple on why a particular request is so important to you.
Sit close to the front during the ceremony
Although the first two rows on either side at a wedding are typically reserved for VIPs, rows three and four are usually open — I recommend sitting there.
Even better, if you see some empty spots and you’ve been sitting for a while, move up. Sitting toward the front will help make the space look fuller before the wedding party enters.
If the ceremony is about to begin, don’t go down the aisle
You’d think avoiding walking down the aisle would be obvious, but I’ve seen guests coming back from the restroom do this as the wedding begins.
Rather than work their way around the side of the ceremony space or wait at the back until the processional ended, they’ll cut in front of the wedding party and walk down the aisle.
Please don’t do this.
Remember, nobody can read your mind
It’s difficult to remember the respective needs of every single wedding guest while planning, whether someone is allergic to a particular food or is unable to safely climb stairs
If you feel comfortable doing so, tell the couple what you need, ideally no later than 60 days before the wedding. With your consent, they can then pass that information along to the members of the vendor team who can best assist on the wedding day.
If you want to help, offer a specific way to do so
Typically, the most useful ways to help a couple are to assist with setup or clean up on the wedding day.
Helping with setup often means arriving two to three hours before any pre-ceremony photos or events. Assisting with clean up means remaining sober enough to put items away at the end of the day.
If neither of those tasks works for your situation but you still want to help, ask the couple what their No. 1 wedding challenge is.
Use that answer to figure out how your specific skill set and schedule can help alleviate some of that wedding stress.
Don’t assume anything
Not assuming anything is a guiding principle in my work as a planner, and it’s one you can use too.
When it comes to modern nuptials, don’t assume the couple will carry on traditions that meant everything 30 years ago or use old-school gendered language in their ceremony.
Instead, if you’re curious about how the planning is going, ask open-ended questions. For example, “What’s been the most surprising thing about planning the wedding so far?” or, “What part have you each liked best?”
Believe the couple knows what they want
It never fails to surprise me how much gaslighting is present in modern wedding planning. Even though two adults who have typically spent multiple years and many life struggles together have chosen to get married, there’s usually someone who thinks they don’t know what they want.
Of course, there are some exceptions to this rule, but you should almost always believe the couple when they tell you what they want.
Whether they’re putting cash on their registry, will not wear white, or choose to forgo cake, they’ve likely made these choices consciously and because they bring value to their relationship.
If you’re in doubt, don’t pummel with opinion. Instead, try asking, “Are you in a place where you’d like to receive advice on this topic?”
This story was originally published on October 22, 2022, and most recently updated on May 5, 2025.
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