- My kids prefer their father to me, even though I’m the one who spends all day with them.
- At first, this left me feeling rejected and resentful. Then, I discovered a newfound freedom.
- I have time to go out to lunch with friends and dive into projects I’m passionate about.
Ever since my three babies were born, their father has been the most important figure in their lives. In the early years, this made me feel less significant.
“Baba,” what they call their father, was the first word all three of them uttered and is the most spoken word in our home.
I’m the one they run to when their noses need wiping or they want comfort after a fall, but when it comes to sharing a secret or seeking adventure, it’s always Baba they turn to.
Hearing phrases like “Baba would answer that better,” or “I’ll only share this with Baba,” hit me hard at first, and felt like rejection.
Especially since I spent all day with them — cleaning, feeding, and disciplining them while Baba was away at work.
I had to enforce rules and responsibilities, while my husband seemed to breeze in and win the “favorite parent” title with ease. My resentment built quietly, and I often felt like the bad guy.
To be clear, I’m grateful for their wonderful relationship. I lost my father when I was 7 and feel deep gratitude when I see how much my children are loved and supported by their father.
He has a way of being there for them in ways I can’t quite match. Still, for a long time, the situation felt unfair until I realized it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing for me as a mother.
Their strong bond with him hasn’t weakened my relationship
What I’ve come to understand is that my husband’s role with the children is different from mine, and that’s okay.
His humor and ability to be silly and fun make him someone they want to spend time with, and he connects with them through their shared interests. They bond over watching cricket together, discussing farm animals, an interest they inherited from him, and love spontaneous outdoor activities, which I don’t always join in on.
Meanwhile, I enjoy reading, solving crosswords, and cooking with the kids. These activities may not get the same level of excitement as when they’re playing sports with Baba, but they hold their own value.
The silver lining of being the less preferred parent
As I accepted my position as the second-favorite parent, I also began prioritizing my own needs.
I started taking time for myself, whether it was going out for lunch with my best friend or working on projects I was passionate about.
It wasn’t about abandoning my role as a mother. Instead, I was creating a balance that allowed me to care for myself and pursue my own goals. While the children had fun with their father, I had my moments of independence.
I also had open conversations with my husband about my feelings. I shared how I felt when they would turn to him first and how it left me feeling less important.
He acknowledged my feelings and made a conscious effort to show more appreciation for me in front of the kids.
While this didn’t make me the favorite parent, it did make my children more empathetic toward me. That understanding deepened our connection as a family.
I’ve become a better mother
To any other mother who might be feeling the same way, like your child’s preference for their father is a rejection of you, remember that children need both parents, just in different ways.
It’s not a competition and focusing on your own special connection can help build a unique and irreplaceable bond.
My children love me, and they genuinely care for me, but it’s okay that Baba is the one they run to with their secrets. It doesn’t make me any less of a mother. In fact, it’s made me a better one.
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