I have $25,000 in credit card debt at age 27. The day I totaled that number, I remember thinking, Is it cheaper to die? My thought was that funerals were a little less than $10,000, and I had racked up more than double that. I was doomed.
At my most broke, I’m also making the most money I have across my six-year career. I recently started a marketing position, making well over six figures, three days a week, in person in New York City.
How did I end up here, essentially working to pay back what I owe?
I cracked 6 figures in 2023
My former boss gave me a promotion at my old company that put me just over the six-figure mark in 2023, at the ripe age of 25. She sounded giddy when she called, telling me, “When I finally hit that six-figure mark, I remember being so excited. How do you feel?”
I remember searching inside for that “I made it!” feeling and finding nothing. The truth was, I was deeply struggling with the responsibilities of that job, and making poor decisions based on my newfound financial freedom.
It was my first year living alone. That January, I signed a lease with my dad as a guarantor for $2,900 a month, assuming that once I made more money, I would be able to cover it comfortably. That wasn’t the case.
My spending patterns still reflected what I had the leeway to do when I was paying a fraction of rent ($1150 a month) with roommates: I bought flights to see friends cross-country, put other trips on a credit card that I had yet to pay off, and picked out brand-new furniture for my brand-new place before I had the cash.
It wasn’t long before I realized the discordance. My emergency savings turned into my regular savings, and six months into that apartment, I knew it would take me years to build up a safety net. The promise of independence started to feel like a trap.
I realized I had fallen into the golden handcuffs
My workplace structure was also sending me into a spiral. I learned about the term golden handcuffs, and I wondered if this applied to me and exacerbated the issues I was having financially.
My former position offered the opportunity to travel, but I often covered billable expenses on my personal card, with delayed repayment from our tiny finance department. I was paid my six-figure salary, but only with one lump sum payment a month, which made budgeting extremely difficult.
It was a remote position that offered “flexibility” and “stability,” but because of the long hours and difficult projects, the flexibility was usually just me sitting in my apartment working after hours to try to meet deadlines. I was isolated, and my world felt incredibly small.
How empty I felt doing everything right on paper gave me the sense that I was failing at something, which led me to put even more hours in at work to feel like I was earning my keep, which was then almost immediately spent.
This was the role I based my lifestyle on before a recruiter reached out on LinkedIn, and I ended up at my current company.
When I think back to the purchases that led me to debt, I know I could’ve made better decisions
I do have compassion because many of these purchases were out of convenience, to give myself a break from burnout, and to attempt to maintain community through events, trips, and rare chances to see my people. Living with roommates previously had guaranteed me a community I took for granted, which I deeply missed.
Another huge cost for me that accrued a significant amount of interest was therapy, which my insurance didn’t fully cover. I thought if I worked a little harder on myself, I could fix my external stressors. This simply was not the case.
I was exhausted, depressed, and lonely. My values of freedom, community, and love were being quashed by reality.
Inflation over the last few years hasn’t helped, especially for young people starting their lives
In terms of debt, I know I’m not alone: thousands of women on TikTok create accounts and post their credit card debt, block their loved ones, and document their payoff journeys.
I feel a sense of camaraderie with them and understand their shame: Who wants to admit they fumbled when the rules are supposedly so clear? Spend less than you make, and invest the gap.
Instead, each morning, I wake up and pull up my three main banking apps on rotation, just in case a charge I do not recognize slips through.
Finances are inextricably linked with emotions
One of the antidotes to financial despair, for me, has been reducing isolation and building community. My new job covers my key living expenses and allows me to be in person, which has already given me a burst of energy and excitement, as well as structure to get me out of the house.
Once my previous lease cycle ended, I scraped together enough cash (shout out to Depop and Facebook Marketplace) to move to a place with fewer frills than my old amenity building, on the corner from some of my closest friends in the neighborhood. My weekends are no longer booked with business flights, and I’ve put a pause on traveling for leisure.
I’m trying to approach this time in my life with gratitude for learning financial lessons the hard way
A positive outcome of this has been acquiring the skill of resourcefulness and the awareness of how much I’m consuming, which I see as a gift. I’ve started to work with what I have and become creative with clothing, food, and household items.
When I go to the grocery store, I buy exactly what I need for the week and stretch it far. This has led to a much deeper sense of presence in my life, which I don’t take for granted.
I feel a sense of hope with my work-in-progress financial state and like I’m actively working toward building a life that’s both sustainable and successful.
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