- A few years ago, my husband started working away from home for three days each month.
- At first, I was nervous about solo-parenting our three kids.
- However, they behaved even better while he was gone, and I loved the time alone.
Three years ago, our family of five moved from Melbourne, Australia, to the small town of Bright in regional Victoria. It was a massive upheaval, and there were a lot of adjustments. For one, my husband had to start working away from home for three days once a month.
Every four weeks, he’d drive four hours to Melbourne to take care of business at his original remedial massage and myotherapy clinic. The rest of the time, he’d treat patients at his clinic in Bright.
I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with parenting by myself
Initially, I was anxious about how I’d cope with three kids alone while still working, paying bills, and taking care of everything at home. My husband and I had lived together for 15 years, since I was 25 and he was 29. That was pretty much all I knew.
I remember the first time he left, he asked my mother-in-law and sister-in-law to check in on me regularly. They’d pop by to help feed the kids or to do homework with them. I knew they were also secretly making sure that I wasn’t feeling lonely or overwhelmed.
However, much to my surprise, I quickly realized that I loved those three nights alone. Suddenly, I could eat a boiled egg for dinner guilt-free without feeling any pressure to make a decent meal for my husband. I could watch a romantic comedy or whatever mind-numbing crap I wanted on Netflix or read my book with our bedroom light on until midnight. I could generally have some downtime from our relationship.
My kids behave well when he’s gone
Whereas I’d worried that the kids would misbehave without my husband to lay down the law (he tends to be the disciplinarian), it was actually the opposite. They were better behaved when I was solo parenting. Funnily enough, my husband said it was the same for him when I’d occasionally go away for work. Maybe they knew that mom or dad was working hard to do all the jobs alone, so they took it easy on us.
On a personal level, being forced to solo-parent was good for me in many ways because I proved to myself that I could do it. It was the confidence boost I needed. It also turned out to be the best thing for our marriage.
Having space from one another sometimes is good for us
When we got married in 2015, my mom gave us some good advice: she said it’s important to always have space in our togetherness, and I think she was right. She and my dad have always been free spirits — traveling by themselves at various points in their lives and having their own separate hobbies and interests.
For my husband and me, having space from one another does wonders for our relationship. I adore my husband and love spending time with him, but having those few nights to myself each month keeps things fresh and our relationship alive. Whenever he gets home on a Saturday morning, the kids and I miss him, and it’s like the distance has made the heart grow fonder.
Recently, my husband started discussing what the next chapter of his work life may look like. One option is to sell his business in Melbourne and simplify things so that he only has one clinic in Bright. When he floated the idea, part of me thought, “But what about my boiled egg dinners and rom-com nights? Does that mean we’ll be together 365 nights of the year again?” Of course, I’ll support him with whatever he decides to do.
Some couples can spend every waking moment together and keep the spark alive. For us, a little bit of downtime from each other makes us appreciate what we do have even more. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Read the full article here
