I was nervous the first time we let our son stay home alone. He was 5 years old, and we were gone for less than an hour, taking a walk to a farmstand with our daughters.
He built a fort in the playroom, loaded it up with books, and armed himself with our laptop to text us or call 911 in an emergency.
When we returned home, with the stroller overflowing with his favorite — fresh peaches — the look on his face was one of unbridled joy and pride. He had stayed home alone, followed the rules, and was entrusted to take care of himself. In a world of helicopter parents and constant micromanaging, this was the biggest gift we could give our son and ourselves.
Now, nearly four years later, we’ve helped pave the way for neighborhood families to let our 8- and 9-year-olds bike to each other’s houses to see who’s home, round up their buddies, head to the park, or, like my husband and I did in our childhoods, just ride around.
My son is allowed to go outside to play with his friends on his own
In these first outings, we gave our son a walkie-talkie with a range of roughly half a mile so we could check in. He would diligently report back where he was and who he was with.
Now, nearing 9 years old, we’ve let go a little bit. He knows the boundaries of where he can ride, avoiding the two major roads that encircle our quiet neighborhood. We’ve even cut back on how much we communicate with other parents; instead of texting them to find out if their kids are home, we tell our son to go find friends to play with — à la our ’90s childhood.
Knocking on doors teaches our son to interact with adults or siblings (something that’s been lost when kids and teens text or call friends directly on a cellphone rather than a landline, where anyone could answer). It gives him confidence to do something that can be uncomfortable.
Other parents in our neighborhood are following our lead
As Jonathan Haidt explained in his book, “The Anxious Generation,” it’s much easier to buck the trend of a screen-based childhood (or anything in vogue) when other families are on the same page as you.
Over the past six months, as we encourage our son to go out and find peers to play with, we see more kids doing the same; there is a constant stream of kids knocking on doors to play after school and on the weekends.
I frequently receive texts from neighborhood moms: “I love that they’re doing this,” “This is what I wanted when we moved here,” or “Incoming!” And then five boys show up in our yard.
I’m not worried about letting my son roam freely
Friends ask me if I worry about my son riding around unsupervised. About being abducted? No.
About distracted drivers? Yes, but a couple of things: We think the risk of micromanaging and hovering over our older child’s play is a greater concern, particularly because there’s no real end to the worry over distracted drivers. What am I going to do? Follow him on his bike until he is 12? 15?
That brings me to the fact that we have two other children (6 and 3.5 years old). Even if two parents were constantly on watch, we can’t be in three places at once. At the end of the day, unsupervised play can be risky, sure, but so can everything. If I live like that, times three kids, I will undoubtedly lose my mind.
This freedom is well within the realm of what my husband and I did growing up; it keeps our kids off the screens and away from us, allowing them to navigate their own way, solve playground scuffles, and feel a sense of pride in learning their way around the neighborhood and having the responsibility to do so.
I’m now known as the ‘lets-her-kids-roam-free’ mom
In the last year, we’ve had our middle child, who’s 6 years old, run short errands to neighbors’ houses, not more than a 90-second bike ride away. She takes her charge seriously, dropping off cookies or a tote we borrowed on their front steps.
She’s also the neighborhood mayor, riding in and out of people’s driveways, waving, yelling, “Hi, neighbor!” and petting as many dogs as she can.
I used to worry about what the neighbors would think about my little kids playing outside unsupervised, even in our own yard. But now, I wear my self-proclaimed title of “Lets her kids roam free” proudly.
So long as my kids follow the rules, I know where I can find them.
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