Earlier this year, I could typically be found in my college apartment in Syracuse, New York. The space may not have been ideal, with its cracking plaster and creaking staircase, but when the lease came to an end, my roommate and I weren’t ready to say goodbye.
Our apartment had been the home of weekly wine nights, tarot readings, and movie screenings. It was where our friends performed musical numbers and hosted themed parties. And a few houses down the street, there was always a game of Catan ready to be played.
After spending most of my college career working to shed the socially anxious persona I developed in high school, my senior year of college gifted me the life I always wanted.
Then, in May, we received our diplomas and left it all behind. For the first time in four years, I was going to be on my own.
When I moved home, my social life changed drastically
As we all begin the next phases of our lives, I find myself in my childhood home in New Jersey, navigating a seemingly never-ending sea of job postings.
Although I’m grateful to have a place to stay while I look for opportunities and build my savings, I can’t help but feel frustrated by how drastically my social life has changed since graduation.
Now, my college friends are scattered across the country, and our once routine get-togethers have been reduced to sporadic text messages. Although some of us have tried finding new ways to connect, like planning calls and handwriting good old-fashioned letters, I can’t remember a time when I felt as lonely as I do now.
I often find myself scrolling on Instagram, looking back on old pictures, and trying to remember how it felt to be living in those moments. When I see posts of people hanging out with friends, I feel a pang of desire.
My childhood friends have grown up and gone their separate ways, too, and attempts to reach out to them feel more difficult than I thought they’d be.
I can’t even spend time with my younger brother, who just started his freshman year of college. And as much as I love my parents, there’s a stark contrast between playing gin rummy at the kitchen table and thrifting costumes for my friend’s murder mystery party.
I had no idea that maintaining a social life after college would be so hard.
The loneliness has been tough, but I’m relearning how to enjoy my own company
There once was a time when I would do anything to stay inside alone. Naturally introverted and anxious, my teenage years were spent listening to music or indulging in creative writing — my own company used to be more than enough.
Although I would argue I’ve grown into a better version of myself since then, I can’t help but feel like I could learn something from my old habits. So, as cliché as it may sound, I decided it was time to find a new hobby.
Thanks to a spontaneous trip to the craft store and helpful YouTube tutorials, I’ve gotten into jewelry making. For the first time since graduating, I’ve found something to do for myself — a hobby that stops me from spiraling into memories and grounds me in the present.
I’ve also returned to old pastimes, like creative writing. My journals have seen more activity than they have in years, which has helped me appreciate this chapter.
The last few months have taught me that being happy doesn’t necessarily require the presence of others, and I’m beginning to find value in my daily life — even if it isn’t filled with adventures like it used to be.
Of course, there are still moments where I find myself spiraling into thoughts like “I hope I’m not lonely forever,” but logically, I know I won’t be.
My friends may be scattered across the country, but I know we’ll see each other again eventually. Until then, I find comfort in knowing I can create my own fulfillment.
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