For years, my husband traveled the world for work as an airline pilot. He would call, text, and send photos from Hong Kong, Germany, and beautiful resorts. At home, I juggled four kids ages 2 to 11. There was homework help, cheerleading drop-offs, and potty training. I handled all the meals, bedtimes, and daily routines on my own. I would have loved traveling alongside him, but I treasured those years with my kids.
Now it is my turn.
As he is preparing to retire and slow down, I am just getting started in my career. At the age of 51, I launched a women’s group travel business.
My husband didn’t want to travel, but I did
As the kids grew older, I realized we wouldn’t be traveling more as a family, as I’d hoped. After decades as a pilot, the last thing my husband wanted was to spend his free time in airports. He wanted to sleep in his own bed, not another hotel room. And I didn’t blame him. I understood.
In 2019, burnout led me to leave my six-figure corporate role and become a certified leadership coach for women. While attending a conference in Savannah, GA, I had an idea to host a retreat there. I knew retreats were my future. Women felt safe traveling solo within a group, and it was empowering.
Our next stop was Provence, France. This retreat sold out within 18 hours. We toured the French Alps, explored ancient caves, and shared incredible meals. The feedback was so positive that people were asking where we were heading next. I came home glowing and certain that this was my path.
But as my passion for travel grew, I realized we had a problem. My husband was nearing retirement age. He was looking forward to hobbies, time at home with me, and not setting foot into an airport. This also assumed I would be home with him.
He worried about what he’d do without me
I would love to say that when I approached him with the idea of growing my business, he was all in. The truth was, he had concerns. He was looking forward to finally being home instead of being gone five days a week. He was looking forward to spending time with me, and here I was, proposing that I would now be traveling without him. To grow my business, I would need to be gone four or five times a year for one to two weeks at a time.
His initial response was, if I was going to be gone much more often, what was he supposed to do? Sit home alone? I remember that like a punch in the gut, because I had been home alone so much during our marriage. It stung because I knew exactly what it felt like to be the one home alone. I also recognized that we were both viewing our goals independently of each other. We were not considering each other’s perspective.
We communicated our needs
The good news is that, after 26 years together, we have learned how to communicate effectively. It wasn’t long before we realized our retirement expectations didn’t align. We both had pictured this phase differently. He had expected we would be home together after all those years of him being away. I viewed my group travel as a career move, while he saw it as a vacation.
So I did what any good coach would do: I asked him to describe his ideal retirement. He wanted to rebuild classic cars, work on woodworking projects, and spend time with his family. Meanwhile, after raising kids for most of my adult life, I was ready to explore and pursue my dreams. We both valued family time, but everything else looked different.
What if we could design a life that gave him the home base he craved while also giving me the freedom to pursue my dreams? How could we both get what we needed?
After many honest conversations, we decided to move and buy a home with more space. A larger garage was a must! One closer to family, so we had a community around us. My husband would have his space for his hobbies and the ability to spend time with family. This was important to him, given that he had missed out on so many opportunities during his career. In return, I would continue to build my business by empowering women through travel.
Our retirement doesn’t look like the traditional “traveling together” dream, and that’s by design. Honest conversations helped us find a plan that honors both our needs and desires. We are both looking forward to the future. My husband is even considering joining me after the retreats to experience travel together. What started as conflicting dreams became our own way forward. We each get to pursue what fulfills us while still building our life together.
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