I Became a Mom at 40, and My Mom Had Me When She Was 19

When my mom was my age, she was sending me off to graduate school. At 46, I’m sending my little one to pre-K.

My parents had me when my mom was 19 and my dad was 21 in early 1980s Latin America. They dropped out of college and needed a lot of childcare support from my grandparents. Though people were having kids back then younger than they are now, my mom was a rarity among her peers.

I had my child at 40 in 2020, and my pregnancy was officially classified as geriatric and high-risk. I was also a rarity: According to the CDC, just under 11% of live births in the US were to women 40 and above in 2021.

Being young was hard on my parents, but there were benefits, too

Though they were from pretty well-to-do families, times were tough. My young parents had fewer job opportunities without a college degree, a situation worsened by economic crises. In 1982, the Chilean stock market crashed, many banks were closed (including the one my dad worked at), and a recession drove rent to sky-high rates. We moved often, sometimes living with my grandparents.

They tried opening a cheese shop, but I remember when flash floods caused water to gush into our store, ruining everything. They couldn’t catch a break. They shut down their business and immigrated to the United States with the help of my wonderful Irish-American grandfather, who had moved to Chile when he fell in love with my grandmother. My parents found their footing in America.

All of this happened during the first nine years of my life, and they shielded me from what was going on. My parents were full of energy and had a zest for life. It was a magical childhood, and we went on adventures every weekend: camping, hiking, barbeques, and visiting friends in the countryside. Later, in high school, I had a special bond with my parents because we were so close in age. I could tell them anything, and I never really had a difficult teen stage.

I’m glad I had my daughter when I did, but sometimes I wonder

In Hispanic families, there’s an unspoken rule: don’t get pregnant young. It’s drilled into you from early on. I spent nearly seven years in school, earning a bachelor’s, master’s, and almost a Ph.D. I didn’t meet the love of my life until later and married in my late 30s. By then, I was successful and settled in my startup marketing career. I was also living in San Francisco, one of the most expensive cities in the country.

Not long after we got married, we had to start IVF because my fertility test results showed we didn’t have much time left to start having kids. Sadly, I lost my first pregnancy during my second trimester, but my daughter was born one year later without assisted reproductive tech. I was worried about trying to get pregnant at my age, and I do wish I would have met my husband sooner so that we could have had more time, but some things you have no control over.

She came one week before the pandemic hit. Like many couples during that time, we wanted to be near family, so we bought a home closer to my parents.

Thanks to my husband’s career, I can stay home during my daughter’s early years. Knowing that we can provide her with everything she needs and more makes me happy. Both my husband and I do drop-offs and pick-ups, and I can go to all of her Girl Scout outings and volunteer at her school. Lately, I have started to work on my freelance PR business and have been writing more, and it feels good to be able to work in a way that allows me to spend more time with my daughter.

Though I have the privilege of a flexible schedule, younger parents have the upper hand when it comes to the fun stuff. Playing with my daughter and her friends is hard on the body when you’re over 40; your back aches, your knees hurt, and you feel tired much earlier.

I’m in what elder Latinas call my “señora era,” which means I am slowing down physically and have to focus more on recharging, which younger parents don’t really need. My fitness routine isn’t about vanity anymore — my husband and I stay active and watch what we eat so we can stay healthy for our daughter and keep up with her as she grows without falling apart.

We camp twice a year and go to the beach and museums so that she is never bored. I know that some younger parents are more vibrant and fun, like my parents when I was growing up. When she’s a teenager, we’ll be the old parents. When she’s the age I am now, I may be gone, and this makes me sad.

I’ve seen both sides, and I see the benefits and struggles both younger and older parents have. I can’t tell which one is better, and maybe that’s the point. There’s no one way to do things. We make do with what life gives us. I just have great memories, and I hope my little one has them, too, one day.