- I thought I had the whole parenting thing figured out when I raised my oldest son.
- But my youngest son is having dramatic tantrums often, and I’m struggling to deal with them.
- I learned parenting is not one-size-fits-all, and I’m learning to adapt.
My youngest son has a temper, and it comes out at odd times.
Outside the home, he’s a popular and high-achieving 7-year-old. He’s funny, athletic, smart, and well-behaved; his report cards have whole paragraphs praising his behavior.
But when he’s home, he can get angry over the smallest things. Can’t have a snack before dinner? Outburst. Stuck on a hard part in a video game? Outburst. Being told to knock it off with the outburst? Bigger outburst.
Learning how to help him manage his emotions has made me better equipped to address his emotional needs, adapt to his brother’s needs, and provide me with a better understanding of parenting.
I thought I was prepared for my second kid
As a father, I started out unsure of how to handle my youngest’s temper tantrums. After raising his older brother, I thought I already had all the parenting experience I would need to handle the outbursts.
And I had done pretty well, too. The oldest had turned out to be a gifted student and was praised by teachers for his creativity, his intelligence, and his sweet and polite nature. That must mean I had parenting down to an art, right? So, what else was there to learn?
It turns out that my youngest had the gall not to be a new version of his brother. Because he was a different person, many of the parenting techniques we had employed for his older brother didn’t produce the same effects.
I got frustrated, my wife got aggravated, and the youngest got louder. Nothing seemed to work.
Clearly, a new parenting approach was needed. While we were trying new techniques for the youngest, we also had to adapt our parenting for my oldest.
I’m learning to adapt my parenting
My oldest has reached middle school, having achieved some self-sufficiency in terms of basic human needs and hygiene, so we tend to focus more on the youngest. But we also have to stay available for the oldest. As a middle schooler, he’s becoming more familiar with school stress and social pressure, and he struggles with how to handle his emotions in the face of those challenges.
Suddenly, we have two kids at two different emotional paces requiring equal attention. Some days, it feels like we’re trying to drive a bus and a motorcycle at the same time. While that can be daunting, I’ve decided that my best way forward requires me to be more open-minded about parenting techniques.
One of my favorite learning methods? Watching how other parents work with their kids.
Years ago, I would have watched another kid’s emotional outburst with a feeling of relief that it wasn’t my problem. I would thank the heavens that it wasn’t my kid throwing milkshakes at his mother. These days, whenever I see a child having an outburst in public, I find myself turning to watch so I can make mental notes on how the parents react.
I try the stuff that looks effective, ignore the stuff that doesn’t, and frequently confer with my wife. We also chat with other parents to learn how they handle their kids’ tantrums.
So far, we learned that when my youngest needs to calm down, we make him count to 20, sometimes several times. If that doesn’t work, we require some basic calisthenics like jumping jacks, pushups, and sit-ups. Wind sprints in the front yard have been very effective, especially when we offer to time how fast he can go.
I have a whole new outlook on parenting
I’ve discovered that parenting requires a bigger empathy bandwidth, especially when raising multiple children. While it’s important for my kids to understand how to handle their emotions, especially in public, it’s become equally important for me to understand what I can do to guide them through it.
I also realized that parenting is not one size fits all; what may work for one kid may not work for the others.
But the most important thing I can do is be there for both my children and hope the temper tantrums will end soon.
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