- I received several rejections and referrals from colleges, including my dream school.
- I’m trying not to attach any meaning to my rejections, but I still feel like a failure.
- I’m trying to convince myself that who I become is more important than where I go to school.
Just a few months ago, I submitted my college applications to several schools, taking the early action route.
Recently, those decisions came in, and, unfortunately, my rejections and deferrals started piling up. Of the more than half a dozen schools I’ve heard back from, I have far more deferrals or outright rejections than acceptances.
I unfortunately was rejected from my dream school. Some schools I hoped (and believed) were my safety schools differed me. Those deferrals give me no greater insight into my academic fate; they just leave me on edge until final decisions are announced in April.
The sting of each rejection made it harder to believe that my worth was not tied to these decisions.
There’s so much pressure to get into a top university
The narrative that success equals attending a “top” university often pushes my close friends and me to sacrifice our well-being for a résumé boost. All-nighters, overcommitment to extracurriculars, and constant comparison with peers have become normalized.
This isn’t just stressful; it’s damaging. The constant obsession with where I end up can overshadow the more important question: Who do I want to become? What do I want to achieve — both in college and for the rest of my life?
Each of us will decide the outcome of our next four years. But still, nobody is asking me, “How would you, Sarah, define personal success?”
Instead, the questions are about what university name will be emblazoned on the sweatshirt available for purchase in the campus bookstore.
It doesn’t matter that some of the most successful people didn’t follow a traditional path. Oprah Winfrey attended Tennessee State University, and Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College. But I’m not either of them, and I still have to prove myself a person of worth in the grown-up world.
I can’t help feeling like a failure right now
I can’t scroll through Instagram or TikTok without seeing videos of students opening their acceptance letters from Ivy League schools or hearing people boast about their 4.0 + GPAs and extracurriculars. Comparison feels inevitable.
It doesn’t help that college has come to symbolize so much more than just education. To many students, it represents validation — proof that all our hard work was worth it. It’s a ticket to a secure future.
When rejection arrives instead, it’s hard not to feel as though we’ve failed — not just academically, but as individuals. After all, colleges claim they’re looking for “the whole person,” not just grades. What does it say about me if the whole person I’ve spent years becoming wasn’t enough?
I’m now trying to move forward
As I sit with my rejections and try to process what they mean, I’m learning to separate my self-worth from external validation. It’s not easy, and it’s a lesson I suspect I’ll be relearning throughout my life. But I’m also trying to focus on the bigger picture.
My worth isn’t determined by where I go to college. It’s determined by how I show up in the world, how I treat others, how I pursue my passions, and how I respond to challenges like this one.
As I send out applications for the regular decision round, I’m trying to approach the process with a different mindset. I’m focusing on finding schools that align with my values and goals rather than chasing prestige. I’m reminding myself that rejection is not a reflection of my worth or potential. And I’m holding onto the hope that wherever I end up, I will make the most of it.
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