Shortly after college, my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I moved several states away. We had both grown up and lived our entire lives up until that point in the Northeast, he in New York and me in Connecticut. But now, in our early 20s, we wanted a change. When he was offered a job in Florida, we saw it as the perfect opportunity to gain some independence.
We did so pretty successfully for nearly a decade. During our time in Florida, we got engaged, got married, adopted a cat, held a variety of jobs, and sheltered through a pandemic.
All the while, we only really got to see our families a few times a year. In a weird way, it felt like a point of pride. I felt like we had accomplished so much in a state far away from our families, proving we could be independent and on our own.
However, things changed in 2022, when we welcomed our daughter to the world, and I started to question whether being far from family was still worth it.
I began missing the Northeast pre-kids
By the time my daughter Sadie was born, we had lived in Florida for about six years. At that point, there were already parts of living in the South that had begun grating on me, a born and raised Northeasterner.
For one, the summers were brutal. While everyone (rightly) complains about the horrid winters up north, I would say there’s a similar sentiment for the summers in Florida. Sometimes, it’s so hot you don’t want to go outdoors, which isn’t too dissimilar from being homebound during the brutal cold of winter in New York or Connecticut. It’s hard to get used to though.
We also started to feel less aligned and connected with some of our neighbors in the Sunshine State. When we started thinking about where we wanted our family to put down roots, it was clear that living in the Northeast would offer the values, educational opportunities, and sense of community we wanted.
Living away from family with a kid changed things
Having kids completely changed our mindset on being a plane ride away from family. As soon as my daughter was born, my thinking on the positives of independence quickly shifted.
The life we had carefully built was starting to feel harder to sustain. Every daycare illness became a logistical nightmare.
I very quickly learned the importance of the village everyone talks about when having a kid, and the downside to not having one.
A second kid finalized our decision to move back
What ultimately cemented our decision to move back to the Northeast was finding out I was pregnant with my second child in 2025. We decided the benefits of moving back to be with family outweighed our major stresses of leaving a place we had called home for a decade, and my husband leaving a job that was tied to the state.
We made the leap when I was in my third trimester, moving in with my in-laws for a few months while we found a job for my husband and a new place to live. While I, ideally, would not recommend making so many life changes at once (especially while heavily pregnant), it ended up being the best thing we’ve ever done for our family.
Being closer to family means our kids get to see their grandparents and cousins weekly. When we’ve had sick days where we couldn’t miss work, someone has been able to help step in and watch the kids. My husband and I have more opportunities to spend intentional time together because support no longer feels so limited.
More on living near family
I no longer see needing support as a weakness
The biggest surprise, though, was how much my mental health improved. I didn’t realize how exhausting it had been trying to manage parenting, marriage, work, and daily life entirely on our own until we stopped doing it alone.
For a long time, I believed independence was the ultimate sign of adulthood. Now I think there’s something equally mature about recognizing when you need support and building your life around the things that actually matter to you.
Before kids, I thought moving closer to family would mean moving backward. Now, it feels like one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.
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