Last year, when my dad told me that he and my aunt were planning our first extended family vacation in decades, my stomach sank. Not because I didn’t want to see my relatives, but because I knew I’d be the only single person on the trip.
As he listed everyone who’d be staying at the rental house in the Outer Banks, all I heard was one couple after the next: my aunt and uncle, my brother and his girlfriend, my cousin and her husband and their toddler, and my other cousin with his wife and their two dogs.
“You wouldn’t mind sleeping on a bunk bed, would you, Corinne?” My dad asked me, the woman in her 30s who has been perennially unpartnered her whole life.
My relationship status has always been an unspoken but unremarkable fact in my family. Thankfully, no one ever pressured me to find a spouse or nagged me about when I’d give them grandchildren.
So consider me dumbfounded when — just as I was getting used to the idea of sleeping on a top twin bunk and sticking out like a single, sore thumb — I met someone named Joe on an app just a few months before our family vacation in July.
After years of going solo, the idea of bringing a plus-one was hard to resist
As the weeks passed and I realized this wasn’t just another fleeting fling or an unsatisfying situationship, I slowly let my guard down.
Joe is smart, supportive, and refreshingly straightforward. On the weekends, he commutes two hours to New York City, where I live, to see me.
He even met my parents at our favorite coffee shop on the Upper East Side and won them over by talking about politics and movies, two big topics in our household.
Soon enough, I found myself fantasizing about taking my new partner, my first boyfriend as an adult, on my family’s coming trip. As word got out about my budding relationship, my aunt texted me a couple of months before the vacation: “Does he want to come to the beach house? How brave is he?”
I knew Joe could hold his own in my loud, opinionated family. It would be a trial by fire, an enticing test to see how well he’d fit in with fast-talking, joke-cracking, born-and-bred New Yorkers.
But more importantly, his presence would break a long tradition: I’d finally get to bring a plus-one to a family gathering. I imagined the experience would bring us even closer, and that I’d be able to try on a coveted persona and see myself in a different light. For once, I wouldn’t be a third wheel.
Even though everyone said he’d be welcome, my gut kept telling me to wait a little longer before taking this step in our relationship.
I wanted to spend time with my family without worrying about catering to anyone else’s needs or stressing about him fitting into our already-established group dynamic. Plus, because my family is a lot to handle sometimes, I didn’t want to scare Joe off or wreak havoc on my first serious relationship.
So, after careful thought, I decided to go on my own.
Although Joe didn’t come with me, our relationship was even stronger when I returned
In the end, the desire to spend quality time with family without splitting my attention outweighed any daydream of going for long, romantic strolls on the beach hand-in-hand with my new man.
Instead of wrapping myself in a comforting cocoon for two, I joined an impromptu photo shoot with my relatives on the beach as a pink-hued sun set over the Atlantic.
Rather than going on a romantic dinner date, I discovered a kitschy beer garden, featuring a giant inflatable Santa Claus, with my brother, cousin, and their partners. So used to having my own time to think and reflect, I also squeezed in a few bike rides and snuck out for a swim while everyone else was just waking up.
If Joe had been there, I still would’ve been able to spend time with my family, but my attention would have been more on him than on my loved ones, whom I hadn’t seen in about three years. Since I was on my own, I was able to be present and focus solely on my relatives.
At one point, I FaceTimed Joe so he could “meet” my family. The house was chaotic, and in that moment, I thought it would’ve been better for him to physically be here instead of having this awkward video call. But he did great.
In past casual relationships, I’d always felt that whoever I was seeing would lose interest if I went on vacation — but Joe made me feel secure, even when I went on this trip without him. Our time apart made me more excited to see him and to relay all the funny stories I’d collected throughout the vacation.
Next summer, I’ll bring Joe to the beach, and he’s so excited to meet everyone in person. Thankfully, this time, I won’t sleep on a bunk bed, and we’ll have a room of our own.
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