My partner, Andrew, and I live in different countries. We’re deeply committed to one another and run an online business together, but we’re in no rush to move to the same place.
Every month, I take a two-hour flight from Chicago to Winnipeg, Canada, and make my way through customs right into his waiting arms. Two weeks after that, he does the same in reverse, heading south to me in Chicago.
People are often surprised to learn we don’t have plans to move to the same place anytime soon, but this arrangement allows us to prioritize our families and has the added benefit of keeping our relationship fresh.
Living apart allows us to prioritize our children
This relationship is our second-chance romance.
We’ve been dating for two years, but we’ve been friends and colleagues for nearly a decade, having met at a financial bloggers conference. We both have children from previous marriages, kids who are deeply rooted in their communities, schools, activities, and friends.
From the beginning, we’ve always said that our kids come first. Making sure our children have steady, loving parents who live in the same city as them has been our priority.
We know that one day, once the children grow older, go to college, and start families of their own, there will be plenty of time for us to savor our relationship (and perhaps grieve) in a quiet, empty nest that we will share.
There are a lot of other perks of our long-distance setup
One unexpected benefit of living apart is that we don’t get caught up in arguments over chores or other household duties.
Since we both run our own homes and are solo parents when we’re not together, we’re used to cleaning, cooking, and managing other important to-dos on our own. So, when Andrew visits Chicago and takes out the trash or brings my car to the shop, I feel an immeasurable sense of gratitude.
I know it’s easy to take these small tasks for granted in long-term relationships. For us, though, we’re so happy to have another adult helping out that we can’t say “thank you” enough.
We also put a lot of effort and care into hosting each other. Andrew always has fresh berries in his fridge for me; I stock up on his favorite cookies that he can’t find in Canada.
I’m very grateful that we still go out of our way to make sure we truly care for each other when we visit, and that our homes always feel like warm, inviting places for each other.
It helps that we work remotely and stay frugal
When we tell people how much we travel back and forth from Canada and the United States, the most common response we get is, “Wow, that sounds expensive,” and it is. However, we make it work by living frugally in other aspects of our lives.
We both live in small spaces and drive practical, fully paid-off cars. We shop secondhand for just about everything we own (and even document our finds on a joint Instagram account).
Running our business together, which includes our social media accounts, a podcast, and coaching services, also gives us the flexibility to work from any location.
We each have a desk in each other’s homes, and Andrew is always improving my tech stack. He’s added different chargers and monitors to my workspace there, so it’s easy for me to transition to working in Canada when I visit.
Our long-term, long-distance relationship has taught us how to be present
Our schedules don’t always run smoothly. Sometimes we have travel delays or have to skip a week together because of a child’s important game or performance. It’s given us the gift of perspective and helped us cherish the time we have together.
Although we enjoy dreaming of a future when we can see each other every day, we also know we’ll look back on these years fondly. We’ve talked about spending summers in Canada and winters somewhere warmer once the kids are grown.
For now, I’m grateful the distance has taught me that missing the person I love can be a profound gift in many ways, and I have enough perspective to realize we’re living a good life together right now.
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