Fifteen years ago, my best friend and I were at a crossroads. She had just started teaching; I was building a career as a freelance writer.
We were renting an apartment in a big city together, but we both knew homeownership there was incredibly expensive and generally out of reach for single people.
She worked in a smaller school district about an hour away and was tired of the long commute. As a freelancer, I knew I’d have an almost impossible time qualifying for a mortgage on my own.
I could also live almost anywhere and still run my business. She didn’t want the financial stress of buying a house all by herself, and neither of us wanted to wait around for marriage to own a home.
So, we did something most people in our lives thought was a terrible idea: We bought a house together.
Before making the arrangement, we had several important discussions
When we told people in our lives our plan, they told us we were making a huge mistake. “It’ll end in disaster,” they warned. “What if you fight about money or someone gets married?”
But we figured married people also fight about money, and we didn’t go into this situation blindly. We knew each other well and had conversations that many people avoid (even in marriages).
We agreed that if one of us dies, the house automatically goes to the other, bypassing our estates.
And if either of us gets married, we’ve promised to sign prenups to keep the house out of any shared assets, so no one outside the two of us can force us to sell the property.
Soon, we settled on a modest 1960s house in the city where my friend worked. Prices were a third of what they were in the city, and we got a lot more living space, not to mention a large yard.
The basement had its own entrance, bathroom, and kitchen area, so another friend moved into it as a roommate to further help with the mortgage.
We split the bills and the responsibilities
I pay slightly more on the mortgage because I have a bit more space in the home (one of the bedrooms has been converted into an office).
I also cover the internet and landline, both of which are essential for my work-from-home setup. Everything else — from utilities to home maintenance — is split evenly.
There have been some growing pains, of course. I’m an extrovert who loves hosting a good dinner party with lots of friends; she’s an introvert who prefers a quiet home.
But because she’s a teacher with ample vacation time, I’ve learned to plan my gatherings when she’s away, so neither of us feels too put out.
We’ve also had the usual roommate negotiations: furniture choices, what color to paint the walls, and whose turn it is to clean the kitchen. However, we’re both committed to communicating openly before little issues turn into big ones, and that’s made all the difference.
We’re both realistic that this situation likely isn’t forever. Every so often, we check in to make sure it’s still working for both of us and talk about where we see ourselves in the next few years.
So far, the situation is still working, but we both know there could come a day when it isn’t. We want to be as open and honest about that as possible.
This arrangement has given us more financial (and emotional) stability
Our house has more than doubled in value since we bought it. If we’d waited to buy separately, we might never have been able to afford it.
Beyond the financial perks, there has been unexpected emotional stability. It’s nice having someone to talk to when work or family life gets stressful and to know that I’m not solely responsible for the mortgage and bills.
We live near a lake that I walk around almost every morning, something I never would have had access to in the city. I was able to get my beloved dog because I now have a big backyard and access to a park.
And though I miss the food scene and cultural options of the big city, my quality of life has improved, and so has my sense of community.
I was able to find and join an adult hip-hop class and dance onstage in my 30s, I founded a writers’ group, and I’ve made a ton of amazing friends I would never have met if I hadn’t moved.
My life is substantially better now than it was living in the city.
Plus, living with someone you trust makes everything easier
On our very first night in the house, we unpacked a few boxes and the three of us gathered around the dining room area to toast our new adventure.
At one point, we talked about how long we thought this arrangement would last — most of us figured about five years, but probably not much more than that.
Though our roommate moved out two years ago, my best friend and I still share the house. Fifteen years in, we’ve built something that goes beyond shared equity.
We’ve built a home rooted in trust, communication, and friendship.
Sure, there are moments when we’d both love full control over our space — but what we’ve obtained through this living arrangement far outweighs any minor issues.
We may not have followed the traditional path, but it’s worked better for us than we could have imagined.
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