When my son was younger, I shielded him from the reality of our financial situation. As a lower-income family, he always had everything he needed, and then some, so he didn’t seem to notice.
But now that he’s almost 12, my son’s requests for things have outpaced me. I used to be able to find some roundabout way to get him what he wanted, but as a single mother, I can’t afford it anymore.
I’m now telling my son “no” more than ever, and it has created some complicated emotions for me. I wish I could get him everything he wants, but I also hope that he begins to focus less on belongings.
I used to creatively buy him most things
When my son was only in pre-K, he told me he wanted the bags of Pirate Booty that many of his classmates had at snack time. I bought the comparable and more affordable cheddar puffs from Aldi, put them in a Ziploc bag, and he was happy. He never seemed to know the difference.
Other times, he would tell me about more expensive things his classmates had, such as a certain pair of shoes. In kindergarten, he came home crying over not having a pair of Nikes, and I found a way to get them for him through a combination of sales and coupons.
I knew that eventually clothing would become more expensive, because he would graduate to the men’s section, but I thought that would be a far-off problem.
I’ve had to start saying ‘no’ more often
The last time I went to the grocery store with him, I had to reject most of his requests because they wouldn’t fit in the budget. I hated telling him “no.”
I used to be able to come home from the grocery store with a few treats for him, but now, it’s not possible.
In addition to the rising price of food and clothing, there are new things I never even had to budget for. There are sports training camps, video games, and the seemingly endless amount of new bathroom products he needs, like hair gel or cologne.
His whole life, I have always tried to avoid saying, “I can’t afford that right now.” But I finally had to face the reality that he isn’t little anymore, and he just knows I can’t afford everything he wants. This is a fact that I cannot keep pretending isn’t true.
We’ve both had to start thinking about making more money
My son wants more expensive designer sneakers now, and I can’t swing it. At that point, I had to accept that my same thrifty tricks aren’t going to work anymore. I also had to accept that I have to make more money.
Plus, I implemented a new system in the house: I’ve started paying my son for doing easy chores around the house. I’m still spending my money at the end of the day, but it’s over a longer period of time, so it’s easy to budget.
I also hope that the experience will give him time to think carefully about the price of items and how he wants to spend that money.
I’m glad we’re talking more about finances and life
I remind myself that having frank conversations about finances will only help my son in the long run.
He knows we don’t have the biggest house or the nicest car, but I remind him that we’re happy. We have what we need, and most of all, we have each other. It’s my hope that my son grows up to feel the same way.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him wanting more money or wanting expensive things, but I hope he remembers that those aren’t the things that make us so lucky.
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