Welcoming a young adult home from college isn’t always easy. They aren’t the same people you dropped off nine months before.
While my husband and I were thrilled we’d have our son home this summer between his freshman and sophomore years, we knew things had changed.
After all, he chose to attend university halfway across the country, blazed his own trail out west, and started dating a fellow student. It seemed serious fairly fast, so we weren’t surprised when he told us he planned to travel to Europe for a weeklong visit during the break to see her. However, when it became clear she wanted to make the same trek to stay with us, we weren’t entirely sure what to expect.
A bit of level-setting off the top made all the difference and kept things easy, breezy, and fun. Here’s how we navigated the experience.
We first established house rules
We’ve always had pretty simple rules: If you’re borrowing one of our cars, never drive impaired. Give us a general idea of when you’ll be home. Call if you need help. Be conscientious, treat others as you’d prefer to be treated. In short: Don’t be a jerk.
Ahead of our guest’s arrival, we reminded our son of our home’s code of conduct.
Discussing sleeping arrangements ahead of time was also crucial. Together, we decided they would share his bedroom, bathroom, and, of course, our common spaces. We simply asked for respect and discretion.
The young couple was courteous, lovely, and sweet. They appreciated being treated as the adults they are, and there was no weirdness whatsoever.
They set their own itinerary
Aside from the first evening, when I knew his girlfriend would be exhausted after her long flight and made dinner at home, I left the entire week’s planning to my son. His dad and I offered suggestions when he asked for them, but for the most part, we stayed out of the logistics.
We didn’t impose a curfew. We let them have access to one of our vehicles for the week, and off they went. This gave them agency to pursue their shared interests and to explore as they saw fit.
They stayed busy sightseeing, hiking, and exploring as our son showed off his hometown. Truthfully, we didn’t see much of them.
Plenty of space and grace were key
It was important to provide our son and his girlfriend plenty of privacy during her stay. We made sure to knock before entering any closed door — bedroom, bathroom, or otherwise — to avoid any potential embarrassing encounters.
We were interested and engaged, but didn’t smother, snoop, or otherwise try to insert ourselves in their activities. They needed time together, not with us.
How they spent that time was different, too. They stayed up well into the wee hours (but never woke or disturbed me) and slept in far beyond my morning alarm.
The two of them ate lots of sugary cereals, gummy candies, and instant ramen — culinary dorm room staples I don’t usually keep at home. But I wasn’t about to nag or scold. They reminded me of myself at that age.
Perhaps someday they’ll opt for more nutritious foods and a better circadian rhythm. Or not. That’s not mine to manage anymore.
We’d be thrilled to welcome her back anytime
The week of the visit flew by without a single awkward word, moment, or circumstance.
We were all somewhat sad to say our goodbyes. We’d enjoyed getting to know her a bit better and vice versa. She’s a delightful human, and we made it clear she is welcome back in our house whenever she wishes to visit again. We look forward to seeing her during the sophomore year move-in, just a few weeks away.
While it was a bit strange to see our young adult, well, adulting as he interacted with his girlfriend in our home, we couldn’t be more grateful.
At a time when so many teens are struggling to connect with anything other than a screen, his dad and I were thrilled to see him happy in a mature, healthy relationship.
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