My son is nearing the end of fifth grade. He is actively begging me for a phone before the end of the school year so that he may keep in touch with his friends over the summer, but I’m very hesitant. Since he claims that all of his classmates have a phone, I know he’s feeling left out.
In the Netflix show “Adolescence,” Jamie tells the court-appointed psychologist he “needs” an Instagram account to look at his classmates’ accounts. My son has expressed the same level of need when he asks me for a phone because all of his friends have one.
As a middle school and high school teacher, I’ve witnessed most of the behavior displayed in “Adolescence” in real life. For instance, I’ve seen the emotional repercussions of a female student’s private photo, intended to be seen by only one person, publicized throughout the school.
My son’s only in fifth grade, and I already feel like I can’t protect him from phone culture
Just last month, my son’s school had to notify parents of an incident brought to their attention by the parent of a classmate who was being bullied over a group chat. I have to say that I wasn’t as surprised by the news as I wish I was, even for students who are only 10 and 11.
The ordeal was a bit of a reaffirmation for me that I’m making the right decision not to get my son a phone yet.
That said, it’s nearly impossible to shield him from being exposed because of his friends, who share their social media accounts, internet content, and communications with him while he’s at school. It really bothers me, but it’s difficult to combat when so many of his classmates have been given that kind of unchecked access to smartphones and everything that comes with them.
Because of having been a teacher, I may have developed a more cautious mindset around phone use
I think that because I was a teacher, I’ve been given a different perspective on how pervasive and distracting phones can become among students. Perhaps one of my most constant and potentially volatile situations with students was to have to repeatedly ask them to put their phones away.
Because of young people growing up with phones, there is an element to their lives that I just didn’t have to handle at their age. My students and son think I don’t “get it,” which in some ways is true. My perspective of having a phone at their age is only as an observer, and what I’ve seen is not appropriate.
From what I remember about growing up, it was hard enough without all of my peers having phones.
Having an open relationship with my son is all I can think to do to remain in tune with his thoughts
For now, I just try to talk to my son every day about as many topics as possible. By facilitating conversations with him, I’m doing my best to keep the lines of communication open so that I can remain as aware as possible of what he’s experiencing and thinking. If he were to, for example, bring up the 80/20 rule from the show, then I’d have the opportunity to talk that out with him and challenge the credibility of that belief.
Talking to my son regularly is the only way I feel I can prevent him from going down the wrong path because I know I’m going to have to give in eventually and get him a phone. I just have to hope that when I can’t completely keep him out of that world, he’ll have the maturity to handle it from having an adult in his life he can turn to for advice.
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