I’m an Older Parent, and All of My Friends Are Empty-Nesters

When I was 38, I found out I was pregnant, and I had our second daughter just two months before my 39th birthday.

Our oldest daughter was 8 years old, and I was thinking about re-launching my career. I’d worked a part-time remote job until that point. I had just started training at a brand new, full-time position and was ready to give up my remote job. At the time, remote jobs were pretty rare, and as a mother who wanted to stay home with her children and earn an income, I coveted that job.

I was feeling some freedom and was excited to focus on something new; a career, a new hairstyle, working out again, buying some new clothes, and more wine nights with my friends.

I went through all the emotions after finding out

After finding out I was pregnant again, I experienced all the emotions. I thought about myself again, lost weight, and felt like more than just a mom. But just two weeks into my new job, I quit so I could keep my remote job. The remote job had the flexibility I wanted so that I could be at home with a baby.

When we announced my pregnancy, most of our friends and family were in shock.

By then, most of us had tweens and teens, and we were all moving into new chapters outside of having little kids. One of our friends even said, “Well, see ya in 10 years!” We didn’t know at the time how true it would be. We’ve only seen them a handful of times in the past decade.

Another of our friend groups was a group of skiers and we all had children around the same age. We spent most of our winter months going on long weekends in northern Michigan, where the parents spent our time together while the kids went on their own ski adventures. But once we had our second child, we stopped getting invited. When an infant is awake crying most of the night, it wears on people who aren’t in that phase of life anymore.

I stopped going to book clubs, and people eventually stopped asking me to join them because they knew I was busy with a baby.

Being an older parent is a different experience than when I was a younger mom

My youngest is now 12 years old and going through middle-school-aged pubescent problems. With friendship issues starting and knowing that will be the norm for the next six years, plus extra-curricular activities and weekend social events, I sometimes wonder if I have the energy to keep up.

When I was a younger mom, I was very involved in everything my oldest daughter did. I made it a point to get to know the other moms, set up playdates, and often ran for PTO board positions for her school. Now, I work full time as a freelance writer, so I don’t have the space to make the connections like I did with my older daughter.

I used to have a lot of anxiety about keeping up appearances. Now, I worry much less about if I’m doing the right thing as a parent.

My youngest has benefited from my being able to afford to do some personal development work, which has changed my parenting style and helped me to be much more relaxed. We don’t have to worry about money, and we can get what she needs without having to pinch pennies like we did with our first.

Our friends are empty-nesters, and sometimes I feel envious

I see pictures on social media of our old skiing friends taking trips to Florida, Mexico, and other places. Others take girls’ trips to Arizona and Door County, WI. I see many of them enjoying being empty-nesters and having the freedom to do something as simple as choosing a restaurant where chicken tenders aren’t a requirement for the menu.

My youngest is the child we didn’t know we needed until she arrived. Despite the age difference between my girls, they are still quite close. So, even though I really miss being a part of those tropical vacations, long weekends, and going to fancy restaurants, I’m so glad to have the experience of being both a younger mom and an older mom. I wouldn’t change a thing.