When I left the US to study abroad in Paris in January 2018, I never expected to come home with a fiancé.
I was a few months into my semester when I met another study abroad student from Mexico at a concert. We clicked, had our first date a few days later, and quickly became inseparable. I told myself I’d found my soulmate. A month later, in April, he asked me to marry him, and under the romantic spell of springtime in Paris, I said yes.
By June, the semester was over and I returned to Maryland to finish college while he went home to Mexico with one year of school and a bachelor’s thesis left to complete. We separated at the airport with tears in our eyes and promised to be together again soon.
Then, after about seven months of long-distance dating, he asked me to move to Mexico to be with him.
I thought I was living a fairy tale — until reality kicked in
I’d lived in a small beach town in Oaxaca, Mexico, during the summer of 2017 and loved it — so of course, my answer to his question was an enthusiastic yes.
In January 2019, my parents paid for my flight to meet him in the town he’d chosen for us, Zihuatanejo, Guerrero, Mexico, as an engagement present.
I’d never heard of the town, nor had I been to that state in Mexico, but I neglected to do even a cursory internet search. I followed him blindly because I was struggling to make concrete postgrad plans.
All I knew was that I wanted to be an artist — which I felt I could do anywhere — and that I needed to leave Maryland. The idea that I’d found “the one,” and could move abroad and get married felt like at least some kind of plan for my life.
But from the moment I stepped off the plane and we reunited, the energy was out of sync. I couldn’t quite connect with him as I had before.
Due to visa restrictions, I struggled to find paid work, and my fiancé had quit his job at a café shortly before I arrived so he could focus on our relationship and his research. Before the move, he’d promised me he’d get scholarships and grants, but those funds never materialized.
My meager savings quickly ran out, and we lived off the small amounts of money our parents sent us when we caved and asked for help.
I realized that his innocent and naïve nature, which I’d found charming in Paris, was now unhelpful for navigating adulthood. Living together meant actually getting to know each other — and I soon saw that the more I got to know him, the less we had in common.
When he finally agreed to get a job four months into my stay, the illusion of love was already gone. I felt depressed and incredibly isolated without my friends and had a hard time finding a community.
I felt alone in our relationship, too. Every time I tried to talk about our difficulties, he’d change the subject. We eventually managed to secure regular meals and a little pocket money by volunteering at a local garden and helping sell mangoes at the farmers market.
Still, I thought some time apart could help us, so I went away for two weeks and did a work-trade in Morelos and visited a friend in Mexico City. My post-trip clarity showed me that I needed to choose myself. I told him it was over and that I’d be returning to the US.
I had to pick up the pieces of my mistake
Six months after I’d arrived in Mexico, I was back in Maryland.
In retrospect, there were many red flags, but I let my lack of direction in life and my deep desire to be validated by another person cloud my judgment. I wanted to build my career as an artist, and had imagined myself making wedding plans while painting masterpieces by the beach — but that wasn’t realistic.
It was humbling to admit I’d chosen wrong and sobering to think I’d promised my life to someone who was effectively a stranger.
Before I left Mexico, though, I made my first adult decision. I applied and was accepted to a master’s degree program in Germany.
My experience taught me important life lessons, like to always choose myself, be resilient, live in reality, and take time to get to know someone before committing to them. Although the way I learned these lessons was painful, I don’t regret that I attempted to move abroad in search of a better life.
I’ve now achieved my childhood dream of moving to Germany (where I hold dual citizenship) and found happiness being single and building my career as a writer and creative consultant.
Turns out this was my fairy tale ending all along.
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