- Kasia Kovacs and her friends are in their 30s and have become exhausted with online dating apps.
- Ghosting, dead-end messaging and red-flag matches have left them with much to be desired.
- Kovacs went to an in-person singles mixer in London to see if it was the answer to her app fatigue.
My single girlfriends and I are ambitious and in our 30s, and we’ve all been infected by the same disease: dating app fatigue.
We frequently talk about the disillusionment of trying to find romance online. Dating apps have become a common way to meet partners, so much so that meeting someone spontaneously feels like a relic from our college days.
But the constant swiping isn’t fun anymore. The waves of 30-something men still “figuring out their relationship type,” conversations that fizzle out before a date, or ghosting after the first, second, or — yes really — even third date are exhausting.
It’s enough to make you want to quit the apps altogether.
My London friendship group may be an unscientific sample size, but we aren’t alone in our loss of faith. A Forbes Health survey from last July found that 80% of millennial participants “felt emotionally, mentally or physically exhausted by dating apps.”
The dating app industry is feeling the pressure. Shares for Match Group — which owns Tinder and Hinge — dropped by about 69% over the past five years. Bumble’s shares have also plummeted, falling by 93% in that same time period. Match Group cut 6% of its workforce in July, while Bumble slashed its workforce by 30% early last year.
Enter: In-person dating events
Friends suggested that I try a Bored of Dating Apps event. BODA, founded by Londoner Jess Evans in 2022, is an in-person mixer for singles — a genre of event increasing in popularity.
Eventbrite reported a 42% rise in attendance for singles and dating events from 2022 to 2023. Speed dating organizations are also becoming more popular, like the UK-based Slow Dating, which said in February that it had seen a 12% increase in planned events year over year since 2021.
But to me, going to a bar and chatting with a group of strangers seemed like an intimidating prospect. How many men would show up? How many eligible men would show up?
I’d been to dating events before with girlfriends and hadn’t taken them particularly seriously. Plus, women had outnumbered men at these events, leaving me uninspired.
But meeting people at pubs and parties hasn’t exactly been working out. Many people my age are coupled up, and I’m not thrilled about being hit on by 21-year-olds.
I’d heard good things about BODA from other friends who’d attended. My curiosity spurred me on, even when the friend I had planned to go with dropped out the day before and left me to face the event solo.
If dating apps were the problem, in-person dating mixers could be the solution
The morning of the event, I noticed that the women’s tickets were sold out while early bird tickets for men were still available — not the best sign. Daunted but not defeated, I still put on my knee-high boots, stuffed lipstick into my purse, and set off to Soho.
On arrival, a friendly woman gave me a voucher for a free tequila shot (the catch was that you couldn’t do it alone — you had to find a buddy) and a card with space to write my phone number for anyone I pleased. She also explained their strict no-ghosting policy, though I was doubtful about how enforceable this policy actually was.
Over 90% of singles come on their own, she clarified, so it wouldn’t be strange for anyone to jump into a conversation.
I was pleasantly surprised to see the downstairs lounge was packed. I was even more surprised to see men and women had shown up in impressive numbers, despite the apparent disparity in ticket sales.
The low lights, busy venue, and loud music made it feel like a normal bar. This particular event was for people over 30, so the crowd was visibly older than a typical night out. Surveying the bar, standing shoulder to shoulder with strangers, I heard a man say, “Good idea, getting a drink first thing.”
We chatted for a bit, asking the mandatory questions like “What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do?” before it was clear that we weren’t a match, and I explored the rest of the venue. That pattern held throughout the night — there was little shyness from men, who seemed emboldened by the event’s purpose to test out their cheesiest pickup lines.
Mixed impressions
People at the event shared a similar sense of frustration around dating apps and appreciated a different way to meet people.
Steven, a 45-year-old IT professional, told me events like this felt like “Rewinding it back to a time when there weren’t apps.” Steven still uses dating apps, but he said he prefers events like BODA, even if they can be a bit forced.
Tom, a 40-year-old software developer, said that although dating apps haven’t been the best experience, singles mixers weren’t a magic solution. Fiona, a 34-year-old TV producer, said it felt easier to tell if you “vibe” with someone if you meet them in person, but the dating events she’d been to had been a mixed bag so far.
In the end, I didn’t take a tequila shot, nor did I give my phone number to anyone.
Although the venue was packed, I didn’t meet anyone who was a good match. I agreed with Steven’s evaluation that it felt forced. When everyone comes expecting a romantic connection, a meet-cute feels contrived.
The £27, or $35, I paid for the ticket didn’t quite feel worth it.
That said, I doubt everyone else felt the same as I did. The atmosphere was buzzing, and perhaps some relationships blossomed. After all, Evans told Business Insider in February that there have been 15 BODA engagements and even one BODA baby since she started hosting events.
Time will tell if I’ll begrudgingly stay on the dating apps or chuck them out altogether. In-person dating events might not be for me, but they’re a strong potential alternative to endless swiping.
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