“Was this what you wanted?”
When I first started telling colleagues that I was pregnant with my third child, this question surprised me. Pregnancy tends to open the floodgates of highly personal questions and inappropriate commentary from unlikely sources. But this one gave me pause.
I’m not so young anymore — I’m nearing 40. I have the glow of a youthful pregnancy, but I’m not so old that this pregnancy would be considered abnormal, either (although yes, the doctors call it “geriatric”). And yet, I’ve been called “brave” at work and see a certain strain in people’s eyes when they find out I’m having a third baby while working as an executive at Nespresso, a multinational company.
I get the sense that people think I’m slightly crazy, slightly superhuman, or some combination of the two.
I come from a large extended family
I have two sons, ages 4 and 7, and while I wasn’t always sure I wanted to be a chief marketing officer or a mom, I am now expecting my third child, due in September.
I don’t think I could spell out for you exactly why I wanted to have a third child; it’s such a deeply personal decision. I can attribute some of it to the fact that I’m the middle of three girls and grew up with a large extended family, including 13 cousins with whom I spent all of my summers in Maine. I love the idea of big families, even if modern life — and expenses — make them feel challenging.
Maybe part of it is also having two boys and the lingering curiosity of what it may be like to have a daughter (although we’re keeping the gender a surprise this time — another topic that’s wrought with unsolicited opinions).
When I am truly introspective, I also think a third child is a way to break and check in on my priorities. It may sound counterintuitive, given that caring for a newborn isn’t exactly a quiet or easy time, but hear me out.
I get to take a pause from the corporate world
Maternity leave creates a forced and necessary pause in the hustle of corporate life. It’s certainly not a vacation, but in my experience, maternity leave allowed me to step off the corporate hamster wheel, at least for a moment, and reset and reaffirm my life and career choices.
With my first son’s birth, I recall actively giving myself space to decide if I would want to be a stay-at-home mom. My husband and I discussed that our lifestyle and budget would’ve had to drastically change had I made that decision, but I also didn’t know how becoming a mom might change me. How could I predict such a thing?
Just a few months into maternity leave, I knew I needed the fulfillment of a career to feel like a whole human. Giving myself the space to explore that choice in those early days may be the reason I feel less guilt about being a working parent today. I actively chose these dual roles.
My second maternity leave fell during the second wave of the pandemic, before life was back to normal. I already knew my career was important to me, but I had other lessons to learn about patience and letting go when my second son was nothing like my first.
I’m able to do it because I have support
Will I feel differently upon returning to work with not one, not two, but three children? I’m sure. Each time it’s been different, so I’m saving space for how a third baby and an even fuller life may change me and my career. Still, here’s what I know for sure:
Working for a company with above-average maternity benefits — 18 weeks paid leave — has made it possible for me to consider this choice. I’m beyond fortunate in this and realize it’s not the norm. While I can only speak to my lived experience, I recognize that my company benefits, my access to healthcare, and more mean I’m fortunate to even be able to consider this decision. And finally, as someone who has experienced pregnancy loss, I am deeply grateful for this phase of life.
We’ve lived in the same New Jersey town and the same house for five years. Our house and car were both purchased with the idea of a growing family. During this time, we’ve also built a support system around us — everything from neighborhood babysitters, to friends you call in a pinch, to a day care we love — that adds confidence we can handle the added chaos of three.
Will it be easy? Certainly not; not one bit of a dual-income, co-parenting household is. But I don’t feel as much of the daunting feeling that those unsolicited commentators might be thinking I should.
Ultimately, I don’t think I’m superhuman, but yes, maybe my husband and I are a little crazy. However, I’ve never shied away from a challenge or the chance to challenge others’ expectations. In this case, the choice to have a third baby was not something I took lightly. I have always wanted to build a career I’m proud of, but I also know my legacy will be found in the family I’m building, too.
Jessica Padula is the Vice President of Marketing and Head of Sustainability at Nespresso USA. On her Instagram account, @byjessalayne, she shares an authentic peek behind the scenes of her personal life and career advice.
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