I am the daughter of an immigrant mother from the Philippines. I became a lawyer because my mother wanted me to be one, not because I wanted to be one.
While legal work pays well, I felt unfulfilled. So when I had kids, I encouraged them to do what they truly love.
My mom’s dream career for me was a lawyer
My mother came to the United States at age 16 and worked hard to give me as many advantages as possible here. She paid for me to attend great schools. She wanted me to become a doctor, but I fainted at the sight of blood. So, she switched her dream to my having a career as a lawyer.
As a first-generation American, I felt beholden to my immigrant parents. The immigrant road is not an easy one. They came to the US to achieve what they considered to be the American dream, equating success with monetary gain.
But wealth does not guarantee happiness.
I realized this when I turned 50
This reality hit me in my 50th year. I had worked in one of Washington, D.C.’s largest law firms, enjoyed a political appointment in the US Justice Department, was married to a well-to-do attorney, took lavish vacations, and belonged to a country club. But I felt empty.
My marriage eventually fell apart, and I developed a drinking problem to anesthetize my feelings. At least the law paid well, and I could support myself.
I regret not following my dreams from the start. I would have liked to have become a broadcast journalist or television commentator. Those were not career paths smiled upon by my hardworking immigrant mom, but they would have made me happier about my work.
At age 50, I changed my life. I started my own podcast and was a co-host of a Washington, D.C. radio show. I did a TEDx Talk and secured speaking gigs. These endeavors gave me a taste of what could have been had I had the courage to pursue my own passions.
In my 50th year, I tried 50 new things to determine how I wanted to live my next chapter. It looks nothing like what my mother would have chosen, but she understands that this time, my choices are for me, not for her.
I encourage my kids to follow their dreams
I encouraged my children to do what made them happy. My daughter is studying to become a social worker, which is not a high-paying profession. She enjoys helping people in need, and the career suits her. Money is not her motivation.
My son pursued an education in the arts. Artistic careers are risky from a monetary perspective, but he excelled as a social media influencer, singer, and actor, and has already made more in one year than I ever did as an attorney.
I think the younger generations have realized that wealth does not create happiness. They are defining success for themselves. Those of us in the baby boomer generation generally had more of a sense of obligation. We were taught to respect our parents by doing what they wanted, and that was even more true for first-generation boomers like me.
I can see now that my mother’s imposition of her desires did me a disservice. She never asked me what I wanted for my life. Perhaps I would not have had a good answer in my 20s.
But I have a good answer now. I strive for work and endeavors that bring me closer to my authentic self. I surround myself with people who support me and encourage my individuality.
At age 61, I am lucky to still be healthy. I acknowledge that no one is responsible for my happiness but me. I honor my own choices and feelings. I am now living a life true to my own values. My life does not look like what I expected, nor what my mom expected. But it is finally all mine.
Maria Leonard Olsen is an attorney, author, journalist, podcaster, public speaker and mentor to women in recovery. Learn more at MariaLeonardOlsen.com.
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